Thursday, December 14, 2006

#13- Fun Times Flipping the Script

No real news this week. There's some info on a useful exercise that I went through recently, a followup on last week's discussion and some very cool quistions that CJ sent in:

Please note that this is meant facetiously, and in no way should be used that human sexuality is unnatural or unhealthy— for most people it is natural and healthy. The purpose of these questions is to challenge the assumption that all people inherently are or should be sexual.

1) What do you think caused your sexuality?

2) When and how did you first decide you were sexual, and why did you make that choice?

3) Is it possible that your sexuality is just a phase that you will grow out of?

4) It is possible that your sexuality stems from a neurotic fear of dealing with people and not just their bodies, or from a neurotic obsession with physical bodies, or worse, an inability to see past a body?

5) Sexuals have histories of failed asexual relationships, not being able to deal with close personal non-sexual relating. Do you think you may have turned sexual out of fear of emotional intimacy?

6) If you’ve never had a really intimate relationship with someone without all the messy things that happen when you mix in sex and bodily fluids, how do you know you wouldn’t prefer that?

7) If sexuality is normal, why is there such huge spectrum of sexual attraction, drive and desire?

8) Sexuality and sexual activity can be indicative of hormonal or psychological problems, and even brain damage. Have you considered getting your hormones checked or having a psychological assessment?

9) Many people who have been sexually abused while children or teenagers act out sexually and become very sexual later in life. Were you abused as a child or teenager? Is that why you are sexual?

10) To whom have you disclosed your sexual tendencies? How did they react?

11) Your sexuality doesn’t offend me as long as you leave me alone, but why do so many sexuals try to seduce others into that orientation, or seduce them all?

12) If you should choose to nurture children, would you want them to be sexual, knowing the problems they would face, all the complicated things they would need to deal with in their relationships and lives?

13) Most child molesters, rapists and abusers are sexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to sexuals? Sexual teachers, particularly?

14) Why must sexuals be so blatant, making a public spectacle of your sexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

15) Sexuals always assign their relationships such narrowly restricted, categories of “friend” or “partner”. Why do you cling to such unhealthy and limiting relationship categories? Why can’t you just love?

16) How can you have a fully satisfying, deeply emotional experience with another person when you are preoccupied by sex and what your bodies are doing? How can two people actually be intimate if they are constantly seeing and treating each other as sexual objects, or trying to get sexual fulfillment?

17) Sexual relationships have total societal support, yet divorce and messy break ups continue to cause sexuals profound distress. Why are there so few stable sexual relationships?

18) Since sexuality and problems that stem from it are so painful for so many people, techniques have been developed to help sexuals change. Have you considered trying hormone or aversion therapy?

20) How do sexuals ever concentrate when they have to deal with the constant bother of sexual attraction, sex drive, and spending time and energy pursuing people for sexual relationships?

21) A disproportionate number of criminals and other irresponsible types are sexual. And there are so many types of self-destructive, abusive and oppressive behaviours that are sexual in nature. So how can sexuality possibly be normal and healthy?

22) So many sexual people are only willing to be emotionally intimate with someone if they are in a sexual relationship. Why are sexuals so emotionally frigid?

23) Maybe you only think you’re sexual because you haven’t met the right person. Do you think you’re only turning to sexuality because you are desperate and emotionally unfulfilled?

24) There are so many physical risks involved with sexuality, including STI’s and unplanned pregnancy, not to mention the emotional risks and frustration especially in long-term committed sexual relationships. Why would anyone want to be sexual?

25) Why do sexuals need to be validated by having someone else desire them sexually? Why are they so insecure?


Mackenzie said...

This reminds me of the list you often see among queer-rights groups asking straights when they decided to be straight since it's the kind of questions they're so often asked.

Oh, yeah, hi DJ! The last post on my queer rights blog is about asexuality, by the way.

HilbertAstronaut said...

I'll answer selectively ;P

2. I decided I was sexual, well, when I got into a sexual relationship :) I didn't think I was before.

4. No, because for me, sex is something that goes along with a particular kind of relationship with a particular person. To me it's not about _avoiding_ dealing with the person, but instead it's one among many ways of interacting.

5. No.

6. I _have_ had intimate non-sexual relationships, which were (and are) quite fulfilling. Both the sexual relationship and the non-sexual relationships that I have are important to my life.

9. No history of sexual abuse.

12. Ultimately, my children will have to make that decision for themselves. We'll speak openly with them about sexuality, asexuality and the like, and encourage them to speak openly with us (my wife and I). I mean, any kind of relationship can be (emotionally) messy; that's part of the risk (and the joy!) of being human.

14. We don't have sex in public, and I would consider modest displays of affection to be non-sexual in character.

15. Well, I feel like the physical nature of sexual love asks me to be monogamous, but other kinds of love admit "polyamory." I also have certain spiritual beliefs about sexuality that call for monogamy.

16. To me, in a good relationship, sex is just the icing on the cake. Any relationship founded only on sex is doomed to fail, because eventually you exhaust the different combinations and possibilities, or your bodies can't take it anymore, one or the other.

17. There are plenty of stable sexual relationships out there -- you just have to look! :) often also, the unstable ones break apart for reasons other than sex -- money for example, or just getting annoyed with the other person's habits. These are problems that relate more to the question of sharing lives together than to the question of sharing bodily fluids.

In general -- the questions are an interesting challenge for people who haven't thought about their sexuality, but not so interesting if you have ;P

gregory fonfeluch said...

great swap :)