Friday, August 26, 2011

Response to "What Can we Learn from Asexuality"

My friend Rachel White just wrote up an interview we did in NYC at the movie premier there. I wrote up a quick comment on her post, and thought I would post it here.

First off, my fingernails are NOT cute. They’re a wreck. Honestly, it’s a matter of some embarrassment.

Second- you’ll be glad to know that Dan Savage and I are making peace, we’re setting up a Skype call to hash things out. I’m hoping that he’ll get the overlap between what the Ace community is doing and his interest in pushing the national dialog around nonmonogamy.

I want to call out that moment that you describe, where we sit across the table and realize that there’s intimacy there and realize that it doesn’t have to go in a sexual direction. There’s something powerful there, a skill that most asexuals learn of stopping and saying “There’s the potential for intimacy here, what direction do I want to take it in?” It’s not just that there are nonsexual directions to chose from, it’s that some of those directions can create things that are extraordinary.

On a fundamental level, business is about people connecting. So is art. So is politics. So is social justice. So is science. Drive that sense of intimacy in the right direction and you don’t just get a warm fuzzy feeling, you get a killer startup, a magnum opus, a piece of legislation, a community center, a breakthrough discovery. Get smart with it, and intimacy can create anything.


Bitsy said...

As a member of the poly and sex-positive community who has a very low sex drive (maybe a gray-a), I am so glad that is dialogue is starting to happen. I try to do it on a personal level by talking to people in the community and people researching polyamory about the fact that I am here. About how the message being send don't include me, even as a (just barely) sexual person. I'd love to help.

Stephanie Keil said...

Like most people I struggled with my sexuality. I went from straight, to gay, to the understanding, from reading psychoanalytic theory, that we are all inherently bisexual (referring to sexual attraction and not intimacy). Then I realized that I just wasn't interested in sex: I had better things to do.

Is there a correlation between IQ and asexuality? I have a high IQ (140+) and I know (for a fact) that my high intelligence is a factor in my asexuality: I have little interest in people and more interest in intellectual topics and I'm just not interested in sex.

Dru said...

Beautifully said. Good luck with the Skype call.

I'm conducting a study on Diversity - looking at it through the lens of Astrology - seeing if any consistent planetary configurations or patterns present, or any astrological themes that relate to stages of the individual journey, and hoped you might participate.

You can read more about the study, and me, as well as participate here:

All contributions and data is confidential and appreciated.

Message me if any questions arise and I hope to hear from you.

~ Dru