tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29867661.post7321939008541720600..comments2023-10-27T23:44:12.947-07:00Comments on Love from the Asexual Underground: #14- Why We Have Big BrainsDJ DJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12425252337370070561noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29867661.post-78836422362581025422007-01-17T09:16:00.000-08:002007-01-17T09:16:00.000-08:00"Why do we spend to much time and energy talking a..."Why do we spend to much time and energy talking about relationships that involve sex and so little time and energy talking about relationships that don’t?"<br /><br />It's interesting, my wife was just talking last night about how frustrating it was that all of her good friends keep moving away. She values a small number of very close friendships, but that's hard to find in modern western society nowadays among well-educated 20 / 30 - somethings. <br /><br />She mentioned how she had read that on the island of Okinawa in Japan, elderly folks have extremely close bonds in their commmunities. They constantly spend time together, visit one another, and even share their financial resources. It's probably this social activity that lets them live for so long -- the article interviewed a 102-year-old woman in good condition, who was happy to have visitors almost every day.<br /> <br />It is odd, as you mentioned, that sexual relationships seem to be tied up with so much "meta," whereas friendships aren't so much. It's interesting that when I was dating my to-be wife, there wasn't much meta at all. We talked about our lives, our feelings, and our plans for the future, but not about "how we thought the relationship was going." In fact, it was my therapist who tried to introduce meta into the relationship, and it totally didn't work.<br /><br />I would suggest that a lot of meta discussion in a sexual relationship comes about because of a lack of confidence in the relationship itself. People don't feel like introducing meta into ordinary friendships because they don't feel like they have to protect or justify the friendship -- it just exists and the friends are comfortable with one another. (If not, they usually won't stay friends.) Just like you said, people talk about "obligation" and "trust" usually only when they believe these elements are lacking.<br /><br />I might even say that the issue isn't so much about sex, as it is about confidence. Meta in the employer - employee relationship is at best tedious and at worst a sign that the relationship is dissolving, for example. Sex is linked to confidence because of social and cultural pressure, evolutionary biology, or whatever reason.<br /><br />Hey, glad to find your blog, incidentally -- just wanted to let you know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth completely, and I still have your cookie tin :)HilbertAstronauthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11443786031975040593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29867661.post-22777850434378297662007-01-07T20:00:00.000-08:002007-01-07T20:00:00.000-08:00I enjoyed the many insights of this article. I'm ...I enjoyed the many insights of this article. I'm followed the writings of Robin Dunbar closely. I particular like his discourse regarding the cognitive limitations humans have -- the number 150 that you discussed, as well as the concept of gossip constituting social grooming. Here are a couple links discussing these topics:<br /><br />http://dangerousintersection.org/?p=276<br /><br />http://dangerousintersection.org/?p=217Erich Viethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05044700952317457856noreply@blogger.com